tdhurst

rockin' in the free world!

2006-05-29T19:59:00.000+09:00

"You gotta fight, for your right to paaaaaaaartay"

now that's disgusting

Erin and Laura

the gang

from left, clockwise

(Kara, Mathew (almost hidden), Brian, Todd, Laura (mostly hidden), Barry and Mike)

the exit story

2006-05-29T19:51:00.000+09:00

"We've gotta get our of this place, if it's the last thing we ever do... because girl, there's a better life for you and me"
-The Animals

Life is indeed a funny business.
My life has been toppled. Since there’s journalism searing through my veins. I'll ruin the story by telling the punch line first: I'm coming home. Me, Laura and our little dog, too. For who knows how long. At least the entire summer. We're going to bum around Toronto, the cottage and the east coast where Laura's parents live.
So the rest of the story: We got hired for a public school gig in Deagu. Korea’s third largest city. I guess a Korean would think of Deagu the same way we'd think of Detroit. It’s there, has something to offer, culture (If you consider Eminem and the White Stripes culture. I do), blah blah blah, but who would really want to live there? Although, every time I've been to Deagu it's been fun.
We were all set to go! We sent the Deagu office a package including our diplomas, medical checks, etc. These were needed to start processing our employment and our visas. But we hadn't signed a contract yet.
And then they started changing what they promised us. Lowering the pay, changing the kind of apartment we would live in and generally not responding to our e-mails when we had questions. We started looking around at the job market. Suddenly we had five job offers that were better than Deagu. Seoul, Cheju Island and Incheon City offered us public school jobs worth more money. We were thinking to ourselves "why are we locking into a job when we can get a better one?" We informed Deagu we wouldn't take their job. We were apologetic and graceful.
Their response was explosive! They called us liars and said we wasted their time and money. That we were giving Canadians a bad name and how they had lost face because of us. We said, okay, we're sorry but we'll come to Deagu on saturday to pick up our documents. We had planned to meet them anyway on Saturday to sign the contract, now we were just coming to take our documents back. Any sane employer would have listened to our concerns and would figure out a way to win us back. They said NO! They wouldn't meet us on Saturday. We had inconvenienced them so they will inconvenience us. We said, okay, please send us our documents in the mail. They said NO! After talking to them on the phone we were petrified we would never see our university diplomas again. They told us we had to come to their offices during normal business hours to discuss the matter further. This was impossible. We work during normal business hours and Deagu is five hours away.
We sent an e-mail to our embassy saying we were concerned that we were never going to see our university diplomas again and what do we do?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. We missed a day of work to deal with the fuckers. We got into the Deagu school office early on monday morning. They yelled at us further. We weren't really listening. They could have called us 'useless slack jawed monkey-shit eating yokels' for all I know. It was a pretty horrible experience. They were angry that we called the embassy. We just wanted to empower ourselves, we don’t have many people in our corner as ex-pats in Korea. The boss never likes being questioned. This is a society where you NEVER question your boss or someone who is older. No matter what. Even if you know your way is better. Even if you know they are criminals and you and the entire organization is going to jail with your boss when the shit hits the fan. You NEVER, EVER questions the boss. That’s what they don’t like. But we got our diplomas. And an excuse to miss a day of work is never a bad thing.
So we're thinking Korean bosses are a bunch of petty baby whiney children. Especially because we had another job interview on Sunday. These guys were crooks. I can sort of understand where Deagu was coming from. We didn't give them much notice. But, yet, we had never signed a contract. This job in Seoul was perfect. The best job in this English as a Second Language racket. The hours were 1-5, monday to friday and we would get paid roughly 2,500 Canadian Dollars a month (or two point three million Korean Won). But their business was illegal. They required us to open two bank accounts. One bank account where our 2.3 million salary would end up and the other bank account that they would have access to. The reason, they explained to us, is because the government of Korea said no private agency can do business with a public school. This was a public school job. Working the after school-program shift. We were indeed being hired by a private company.
Instead of doing it the government way. The schools were just lazy and kept everything exactly as it was. They get around this through the second bank account. All the money they would give to the private middleman, goes into our second account. In effect, they are just paying us.
Our bosses (the private middleman) would take all the money from this account and pay our salary, pay our apartment, pay for airplane tickets, take their cut, etc. etc. Which sounds okay. I don't imagine they would screw us or do anything else illegal. But what if?
This account is in my name. They could be sending funds to their swiss bank-account. Or paying their drug dealer from my bank account. I don't want my name attached to anything illegal (it's only fine if I'm making these illegal transactions, not strangers).
The other concern, since they’re going about business in a way the Korean government said was illegal, what happens if the government of Korea cracks down on the corruption? Laura and I would find ourselves out of a job, possibly deported and possibly arrested. So, we came to the conclusion that this country is filled with crooks. We've just been ignoring it for the past few years. Thinking of it as a cultural experience. Cultural experience is well and good, they have funny dances, wear funny costumes and have funny ways. Which is fine. I’ve learned, so do we. Maybe even funnier. But when it comes down to matters of business and humanity there is really only one way - The way I was brought up with. Canada is just awesome!

Photos from Deajon

2006-05-19T17:34:00.000+09:00

Rock Star Laura
Todd and Mike (drunk)

...and a giant penis

Deajon, Deagu, Seoul, Heanam

2006-05-09T17:06:00.000+09:00

Wow, so many places I have trod upon recently...

Deajon: Because they have a Costcos. In Korea going to Costcos IS a big deal. Giving patronage to this a consumerist chapel - what i'd imagine heaven would look like if I died in Korea and hadn't been home in a long, long time. Laura and I rented a car with Erin and Mike. Cool kids from Saskatchewan (Think of Brent Butt and Corner gas and it's them!). Among other things we bought taco kits, coffee, cheese and meat. If this doesn't sound exciting, believe me, this is exciting. We also spent the night in Deajon. Our hotel room looked like Barbies Dream house but we spent most of the night drinking and stumbling around the place. We started the night at a micro-brewery (we didn't believe the place would actually make their own beer. Koreans like saying these sorts of things because it looks good on a sign) even though the beer tasted like piss and the owner said he would give us beer on the house and didn't, we still had a good time. They let Laura play guitar on stage. At the end of the night we ended up at a local ex-pat pub. It could have been someones basement. They served eggs and bacon for breakfast! Paradise! Paradise! Paradise!

It took us several hours to get out of Deajon the next morning. We just couldn't find the highway.

Deagu: For those of you keeping dibs on where I end up in the world, well, soon it'll be Deagu. Laura and I fell in love with this HUGE CITY, our new hometown. It's big and it's metropolitan and they have Outback Steak Houses, T.G.I. Fridays, Subways, Burger Kings, excellent shopping and probably a temple somewhere, I don't know.
We went got interviewed by the Deagu School Board. They threw jobs at our feet- I work at a public school and Laura teaches classes in the government offices that are sort of experimental.

Seoul: Mike and Erin (who have become perfect travel companions because a) they are also a couple with a dog and don't mind smuggling their doggie onto busses/trains/into hotels b) they appreciate culture as much as the next couple but also think that nightlife is an integral part of culture and c) they are just cool people) invited us up to Seoul with them to attend a lantern making course and a lantern festival. It's in honor of Buddhas birthday which happened the week after (May 5th).

Indeed we walked around and saw culture and shit but the highlight was ending up in Iteawon, drunk, dancing on tables in out of the way ex-pat gay clubs. It goes to show that no matter how much a culture tries to pretend homosexuality doesn't exist, it finds a way to flurish. I met my first gay Korean. Wow.

In the span of 24 hours we overdosed on Burger King, KFC and Subway. All of which we cannot get in Mokpo. We found the Canadian Pub in Iteawon, Rocky Mountain, and ate hamburgers while listening to the Tragically Hip looking up at hockey shirts.

The lantern festival was pretty awesome. We learned how to make Lotus Flower Lanterns. They're hanging in our appartment. If any of you come visit us you'll be able to look at them and comment about how I mentioned them on my website once!

Heanam (you're a rock star): My new co-workers, University of Windsor alumni Kara and Mathew joined Mike, Erin, Laura and I on a trek up a mountain to see a temple. We met monks - who gave us each a necklace and a plate of fruit - then we walked around in the dark becoming all englightened. Since it was Buddhas birthday there were lots of lanterns lit up to help us reach Nirvana. Unlike some of the temples I saw in Seoul these lanterns weren't lit up using electricity, just fire.

Then off the mountain, into Heanam and went to a Pizza joint. We drank a few beers and Soju's around town but went to bed pretty early (one o'clock or so) - our doggies were waiting up for us in the hotel. Kara and Mathew went off on their own - they wanted to go to Jindo Island the next morning.

The next morning, the rain came down, our plans to go up a cable car were rained upon. We took a bus to Gwangju instead. We walked amidst consumerism and ate at T.G.I.Fridays (Where it's always friday...)

Which brings you all up to speed!

Laura and I have to go to Deagu next weekend to sign our contracts and find out what sort of hut they'll give us.

An Update

2005-11-22T17:09:00.000+09:00

It's been too long since I've blogged the old blog sight. Maybe a month, I dunno, they say that time is an illusion. And it doesn't help when 'the man' has you working in the coal mines all day everyday...
Now when I say 'the man', I mean my delightful boss 'The Director' and his charming wife known to me only as 'Sally'. When I say 'the coal mines' I in fact mean my school Mokpo Wonderland, and I guess 'all day everyday' means 10-8 Monday to Fridays. But, in my defense, I go to the gym during my lunch break. My computer broke down and so I can't access the internet at home. Besides I'd much rather spend time with Laura than with a bunch of ones and zeros any day.
But I don't believe in excuses. A wiser person than myself once said 'if you were really sorry, you wouldn't have done it in the first place' - smart words. So here I am, not apologizing, just picking up where I left off.
Which was, uh, yeah I'm getting married!
I've moved in with Laura (We have Hayley as our room-mate). Into her loft.
We got a dog. A little Min-Pin named Obi.
We had a Halloween party; I was 'the mad hater'. I bought a hat first, the rest of the costume developed from there (It was either that or The Cat in the Hat). There were lots of other funny costumes, too.
I will let the pictures speak their thousand words.

MY PROPOSAL

2005-09-20T21:03:00.000+09:00

Laura and I were sky diving.
Three, Two, One, Jump! Holding hands we fell towards earth at an alarming rate. We knew we had forty-five seconds of free-fall before we had to pull the rip-cord, releasing our safty nets above us, bringing us gently down to the ground.
I brought Laura close to me. I held onto her waist. I maneuvered it so I was falling back-first towards the ground. Our descent is slower this way. I shouted into her ear:

"WILL YOU MARRY ME, BABY?"

She said "Yes!" I took the ring out of my jump-suit pocket but the wind blew it out of my hand. Shit! The three thousand dollar ring is now somewhere in the Yellow Sea! Those lucky fish!

2005-07-26T20:29:00.000+09:00

disco buddha

my fiance

crazy girls (jane, anne, laura, haley)

strange snacks

lovers

DocPimpEelZOk

2005-07-22T16:27:00.000+09:00

The weekend started right - eating grubs. A restaurant called Venezia. It does fusion food. Hearing mixed reviews, I was a little apprehensive but the big red neon sign had been calling my name since November. It’s hard to say no to neon. I managed to convince Laura and May Lynn to meet me and try it out. One of my adult students told me the food was delicious. It was the kind of place a Korean can go for a juicy hamburger steak.
The food was plentiful and delicious. The atmosphere was what I expected. It was done up nicely, a real classy joint.
The salad bar went on for ten miles, they brought free wine (well, they called it ‘wine’) and my spaghetti could drown Genghis Kahn’s army with the amount of cheese it had. After the meal our conversation turned to the weekend. There was a vague plan thumb-tacked to our brains to head up to the mud festival at Deacheon Beach. The idea started out as a gigantic rogue traveling community but people were dropping out like flies being smacked with a big yellow fly swatter.
The three of us definitely wanted to go, we wanted to go tonight. We called a few people who might go but the excuses – money – illness – fear of the unknown. Nobody was hardcore enough. We tried to figure out the best way to get there by bus. It would have taken us seven hours. We would have had to take the bus to Gwangju, then to Ulsan, then to Deajon, then to Boreyeong and finally to Deacheon Beach. It was a headache nightmare.
Until some bright, genius, god-inspired individual uttered words along the lines I’d imagine Moses heard on top of Mt. Sinai: “hey! Why don’t we rent a car and drive up there”.
An idea from the heavens! I was skeptical. I only had a Canada license, I’ve heard it was no good. May Lynn said it’s been done before. A drivers license from your home country is okay.
The wheels of the weekend were in motion. We went to our respective houses and bubbled like over joyed washing machines the whole way. There was a Hertz rent-a-car at the bus station. We took taxis and when we finally got there

THE RENT-A-CAR WAS CLOSED!

We couldn’t believe it. You’ve never seen sadder people in all your life. We were ridding a high and beautiful wave that mangled our bodies on some jagged rocks.
We found out that Hertz opened at 8 o’clock in the morning. My two crazy girl friends liked the idea of waking up at seven and being the first people there when the doors opened – I was less than thrilled. I like to sleep-in on Saturday.
We went to Laura and May Lynn's house. We played scrabble. It was a pretty funny game – we allowed the ‘word’ Quiet Reign because we had to open up the board, we would have been stuck otherwise. We bent the rules a little bit but eventually snapped them in half. I was allowed to put down the word ‘Pimp’ next to eel. I’m sure pimpeels drift around the ocean in flamboyant clothes offering up different varieties of sexy angel fish . May Lynn said if I was going to get away with that she would put down Doc Pimp Eel. Apparently the eel pimp community is into hip-hop as well. Then I put a Z between the ‘word’ DocPimpEel and the ‘word’ OK. I won with the word docpimpeelzok – it was on a triple word score and a few double word scores as well. I got something like a million gajillion points.
We went to bed and didn’t get up until the next morning. We were at Hertz rent-a-car for ten.
I knew if I was going to pull this off I would have to be confident. I had to act like I do is all the time - that I walk into foreign country rent-a-cars with no valid drivers license.
I say. “GIMME A CAR!” The girl behind the desk shows me a list of their cars. I say I want the convertible (because when you travel, do it in style!) – but they don’t have one. In fact they only have one car. Which is fine. We just want a car. She calculates up the price. It comes to 100,000 won for the weekend. She asks for my passport and a drivers license.
When I show her my Ontario Drivers license she says “ANNEYO”! We were devastated again. We slink out of the rent-a-car into the bus station. There was only one course of action! We have to go to Naju - a tiny little city about an hour away from Mokpo.
Naju is where they keep the government buildings for our South Jolla Province province. We get the Hertz rent-a-car people to write down the name of the building we need to go to.
The bus to Naju was fine. We get off in Naju, jump in a taxi which takes us to the outskirts of nowhere. There are English signs telling us that we’re near the drivers license agency. We’ll call it the DMV for the sake of clarity.
In the taxi I’m thinking that my license is only a G2, not a full Ontario license. I can drive on my own and everything – I’ve been doing it for five years – I just haven’t taken the final test (ie. the tax grab) yet.
We get into the DMV, there isn’t a line. There is a sign saying “international drivers licenses” – a cheery young lady helps us out. They need to see my passport and my drivers license. She takes one look at it and says “G2? G2 No. G”. Can our hearts take it anymore? I proceed to tell her I can drive and that I’ve been driving for five years. In my mind I tell her that my G2 required more work than getting a Korean drivers license any day. She insists that I leave right now but I’m persistent. Laura and May Lynn are persistent as well.
Finally she goes to her big book of international drivers license information. I look over the desk and read over her shoulder. I can’t read the Korean but she found the section about Ontario.
And when she spoke “okay, you can have Korean license” – if only we had a bottle of champagne!
The process got easier. I had to fill out confusing Korean forms in triplicate, get some pictures taken and have an eye exam. We were sent back on forth continually for the better part of twenty minutes.
The physical exam was the most ridiculous part. After the eye exam the ‘nurse’ told me to sit down. Where I was standing there wasn’t a chair. I looked over at the chairs thinking she wanted me to bring one over and get comfy. I was worried she was going to poke me and prod me and do all sorts of groovy things that would make me feel taken advantage of. All she wanted me to do was squat and stand up, she just wanted to make sure I had use of my legs.
We went back to the cheery young lady who said “come back in thirty minutes” – it was only 16,000 won from my pocket!.
The three of us went in search of a celebration beer. My cell phone went off. It was probably Ben calling from Seoul. It was the cheery young lady. She told me that Todd Douglas Hurst won’t fit on the drivers license. She wanted to know if just Todd Hurst was okay. I said it was.
Our celebration beer wasn’t champagne but it was sweet ambrosia anyway.
I have never seen anything so pretty as my Korean drivers license. It might be even prettier than my passport – a passport is a common thing. A Korean drivers license isn’t. How many of you out there in readerland have a Korean drivers license? I didn’t think so.
It’s a great souvenir. Something I never expected to own.
We left the DMV and this time went to the train station. A KTX (the fast, fast Korean rocket train) would get us from Naju to Mokpo in a little under ten minutes. We were itching to get back to the rent-a-car.
There wasn’t a KTX until five. We got on the super slow, took us an hour to get to Mokpo, train. But not to worry – we got to the rent-a-car.
I barged through their doors, threw my drivers license on the counter and said in my biggest, loudest, boldest voice “GIMME A CAR!”
And the lady said “no!” She smiled. We thought she had a sense of humor. This was the same girl who we saw a few hours earlier. Laura and May Lynn started laughing. After all we’ve been through it would be a pretty funny joke to say ‘anneyo’ and then say ‘just kidding’.
She was serious. She showed me a pamphlet in English that says I have to be 21 to drive and have one year experience. Remember I’ve only had my Korean license for just over an hour. I showed my Canada drivers license. It was issued in 2003. I had been driving since the year 2000. Even if I started driving in 2003 that gives me two years experience. They told me one more time “Canada license no good!”
Why the fuck would the DMV issue me a Korean license if it was no good? It was a simple matter of transferring my Canada qualifications into Hangeul. I showed her the back of my Canada license which said 2003.
We were livid. May Lynne and Laura were right behind me. They got my back. We would bust some heads if need be –
She looked in her little book, made some phone calls, talked to her boss. In the end we had a car. A nice red ferrari convertible which we will call ‘the shark’ –
It’s obvious that we didn’t have a Ferrari but it makes a much better story - just humor me, okay.
We took the Shark down the Korean highway at top speeds. We had a trunk full of dangerous drugs. A couple of bags of Marijuana, a salt shaker and a half of cocaine, some high powered blotter acid and then there was the ether – but it was only the ether that truly scared me. There is nothing so helpless and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge –
Sorry, My body was just taken over by the ghost of Hunter S. Thompson. None of it was true. We drove our crappy brown compact down the highway. We were high, though. High on a sense of adventure. It was the road trip we’ve been jonesing for.
We were on our way to the Mud Festival and Deacheon Beach!
We sped, naturally. Even though there were cameras everywhere on the highway. The great thing about Korea is they warn you first. You’ll see a sign for a camera, but you don’t have to slow down yet, there will be a few more before they tell you ‘in 500 meters’ – we would speed, jump through their hoops, then speed again. Everybody’s doing it.
Korea is like that. Just jump through the hoops, act like a good citizen when ‘the man’ tells you they’re watching. There is no excuse to mis-behave because you get fair warning.
Even with the fair warning signs I’m sure we missed a few. I hope I get a Korean speeding ticket. I’ll frame it. Apparently the fines are no more than spare pocket change.
Deacheon Beach is the nicest beach in Korea. There are signs off the highway taking us straight there. We stopped for a bathroom break and took a poster off the front of a convenience store. We asked the owner if we could. It was Che Guevera selling Hite beer – what the socialist revolutionary thinks of the commercialization of his name we will never know (because dead men tell no tales)
The hotel room at Deacheon Beach cost a ridiculous 90,000 won – 30,000 won each! It’s a ridiculous price! How dare they capitalize on a crowded weekend like that! But the room was clean. It didn’t smell too bad.
We spent the night swimming in the warm embrace of the Yellow Sea. If we didn’t stop swimming we would get to China. May Lynn and I decided to see how far out we could swim. We got pretty far. The Chinese coast guard told us to turn around. We touched some buoys and swam back. Laura was on the beach worried about us. Thinking a shark swallowed me whole.
Instead of a shark swallowing me whole, we swallowed some shellfish whole. We went to a restaurant where our table is a barbecue. They throw a pound of shells on. When they pop open they’re good to eat.
Laura, being the social queen of the world, picked up two men. They joined us for dinner and our after dinner festivities. There was a cool guy from Vancouver, Sean and his buddy from Las Vegas, Tom. According to Sean, Tom needed to have some fun that weekend. We think he was trying to pimp his friend to May Lynne. Good thing he wasn’t a pimp eel.
When we went skinny dipping Tom kept saying he wanted to see May Lynn’s breasts. I saw Laura’s breasts!
We put our swimming costumes back on and swam to the buoys and back. Tom was a slow swimmer. We were worried he might drown or something. Being a studly lifeguard I kept his pace ready to drag his drowning ass back to shore. It would have made me a hero. Medals and flowers and the respect of men and women.
We lost Sean and Tom when we decided to go to a Nori Bang. They wanted to come but when we got up to move they didn’t follow.
We didn’t go to a Nori Bang, just to bed. All in all it had been and exhausting day.
The next morning we didn’t have much time. The car had to be back at the rent-a-car by four. We had to leave Deacheon Beach by one.
We did some more swimming out to the buoys, May Lynn and I jumped on a banana boat dragged behind a jet-ski, the driver tried to knock us off the whole time. We held on. We’re pro stars!
Laura read her book on the beach soaking up the suns juicy embrace. We found a stall of ‘David and Goliath’ paraphernalia. I had never heard of it before but its apparently a famous clothing company in Canada.
The guy at the booth gave us free stickers and free CD’s. The clothing has characters like ‘Smelly Todd’ and ‘Goodbye Kitty’ – it’s funny, a little bit rude and a whole lot expensive. We promised to go on their website and buy stuff but we mostly took the free stuff and ran.
The drive to Mokpo was equally as thrilling as the drive away from Mokpo. It’s really nice to be behind the wheel of a car again. I love the freedom it brings. When I buy a car in Korea we’ll see every roadside attraction, temple and dead guy remains.
Our final adventure in Mokpo was trying to find gas. We drove into three gas stations that were all dried up. We finally found gas and pulled into the rent-a-car thirty minutes late. They called my cell phone asking where the hell we were.
Apparently it’s common, gas stations being all dried up. You just kind of have to know which gas station has gas today. Its bizarre, I don’t understand it but that’s why I still love Korea. My sense of wonderment hasn’t left.

the funny incident of the popcorn

2005-07-12T16:43:00.000+09:00

We were on drugs. That’s all I can say. In this country a statement like that could end you in a world of hurt. The Korean government is militant in their efforts to stamp out wild-eyed foreigner hippie types and their radical ideas like the fact that Marijuana is no worse than a beer. But this isn’t an essay on the pros and cons of Korean society. I could get into it, mind you, but lets just leave it ‘We were on drugs’.
When you find drugs in Korea you have to keep your mouth shut. You’d risk ostracisation but worse, being cut off from the source. These sorts of things are deep underground and extremely hush hush.
But ‘the peeps’ I was with got me high on the pot. It had been a while so the effects were fucking cool. It was a rainy day so the trip got deep inside my bones and inside my head. It was introspective. It was cozy. ‘the peeps’ were cool people, the right sort of people to be hanging around with when your mind is dribbling around like this.
The crux of the story began when we were waiting in line at the cinema to take in the comic book film ‘Sin City’. I’m an English teacher in this Korea-land and I saw one of my student’s mommies. It’s a fast exchange like always, they can’t speak English, I can’t speak Korean. She bows her head to me. I bow my head to her. She says ‘Ann’s Mommy’ ? I recognize the English name of my student and nod in recognition. I think she goes into the supermarket underneath the cinema.
High like a kite I feel like a rock star. You do in Korea. Everyone is always saying ‘HELLO!’ to you and ‘HOW ARE YOU!’ and ‘WHERE ARE YOU FROM’ and such and such in broken English. You stand out and there is nothing you can do about it. Koreans are used to only seeing Koreans. It’s a very homogenized society. My girlfriend once told me we might as well be dressed up in Mickey and Minnie mouse costumes.
Me and ‘the peeps’ are tripping. The cinema lights are, like, neon and futuristic. You walk into the lobby and your mind is trampled by intense yellow lights and the big fucking word ‘CINEMA’. Its more of a stylistic thing to have everything written in Roman letters. Just like we think its cool to see Chinese characters back home. We don’t know what they mean but it’s cool.
Me and ‘the peeps’ are waiting in line for popcorn. Ann’s Mommy jumps out from, apparently, the sky. I didn’t see her. I was floating somewhere out deep in my mind when she brought me back to reality. I didn’t know what she meant but somehow I thought she was going to buy me popcorn. She had already paid for her purchases and then jumped back in line. I stood there with one of ‘the peeps’ looking like an idiot, hoping I wasn’t an idiot waiting for my free popcorn.
I say “I think she’s buying us popcorn.”
“who is?”
“That lady is the mother of one of my students.”
Indeed she brings us popcorn. I’m polite but don’t really know how to react. This is all very typically Korean. I’m thinking ‘what did I do to deserve this? Just because I’m foreign? Is it because they think I’m helpless?’ but you can’t think these things. You’ll just self destruct and start to loathe the foreigner trip.
Koreans love their teachers (and indeed education in general) more than we do in the west. A teacher is on a pedestal, not just a baby sitter, not just someone to ship the kids off to while the mommies and daddies are free to run the society.
We all get drinks and a popcorn. Even one of ‘the peeps’ who was in the bathroom while all this was going on joins us. Ann’s mommy sees them, looks horrified, apologizes profusely and then goes and buys another soda.
We’re all a bit in shock. But grateful.
We go into the movie and enjoy the movie. So does my mommy. I hope she loved the movie as much as I did.

the funny incident of the naked frenchman

2005-07-11T16:44:00.000+09:00

The French are crazy. Don't get me wrong. I love the French (especially french fries and french onion soup), but there was one Frenchman who got a little bit out of hand. And he wasn't Asterix.
This story continues from 'the funny incident of the popcorn' so our state of mind is still implied. But not as much, the trip whittled itself down - luckily we were consuming massive amounts of alcohol instead.
'The peeps' grew in numbers as we met them at a fish restaurant called 'The Opera House' - if you've been to the real Sydney one or have seen pictures you know what it looks like. It's a knock-off not even a tenth of the real one's size.
It's a cool place to go. They have a nice patio. The food sucks, over priced and undercooked but the patio is a summer hot spot to drink beer and watch the hours drain from the bottom of your glass.
We got there and were shown a Buddhist-monk-stuffed-toy that was pulled victoriously from a Happy Crane Game - Which is a mechanical claw game that tempts you with teddy bears and whiskey bottles.
Our Happy Crane Game champion told us a tale of obsession. These games get under your skin. They boil your blood. You simply MUST win a toy. Some people only go for the Super Hero Mashimaro dolls, other people try and win bears, and some people collect the Buddhist monks. It's common to have a motley collection of stuffed animals in ones bedroom. It doesn't matter how old you are or what your gender is. It's a game, the toys are prizes. Some of them are stuffed with whiskey bottles, but it's pretty impossible. There is an urban legend circulating that some guy, when his brother came to visit, spent over 10,000 won and actually won a bottle.
The prizes are too cool to give away. Like the Buddhist monk. Who would ever think you would have a Buddhist monk as a stuffed toy? Could you imagine a similar thing in a Christian country? A stuffed Jesus? Not likely - but Buddhism has always been more chill.
The evening progressed to another bar called 'Bar 77' - one of those nice looking, trendy looking places where the gang from Sex and the City would feel at home. They don't have a patio but the front of their bar is wide open so the effect is the same. For some reason, though, we found ourselves sitting near the back, away from the gentle breeze of the night.
This was when the Frenchmen showed up. There were two of them. Not only is Korea filled with English teachers. I've also met a French teacher but various Europeans can be found working for professional companies. There are shipbuilders from Greece, 'working girls' from Russia and these Frenchmen were in town to build a telecommunication tower (Taller than the Eiffel Tower). My Girlfriend from French Canada speaks their language and brought multiculturalism to 'the peeps'.
It's a quintessential travelers picture to hear multiple languages thrown across the table with multiple translations. Of course things get lost in translation but it's the only way to learn about the world.
The Frenchmen are older but are always looking for a good time. I wish my French was better. They are good people and always make the evening enjoyable.
Their lives in Korea are cut off from their lives in France. They all have wives and kids. Some of them have 'deals' with their wives. Mistresses are allowed. Some of them don't. It must be hard being so far away from the family. This is why they are often out on the town looking for a good time. Something has to fill the void.
Whisky is a good alternative to family.
They poured me some and I gratefully accepted it. I only drank one that night - I'm staying away from hard alcohol. Its effects are no good and make my head spin. Plus its not so much fun when the next day is bulldozed over by the king kong of hangovers.
Beer is the answer. We were at a restaurant, somewhere between my house and downtown. It took us a while to get there, down some back, dark scary alleys. But we were promised it would be the best Korean barbecue we've ever tasted. And it was.
They had tables to sit outside, they brought beer and food and it was a fantastic time with friends. This place was small, cozy and out of the way. I could wax pretentious and say its 'real Korea' - but then why isn't a big fancy, tourist restaurant in Seoul 'real Korea'? A country has many faces - none more 'real' than the next.
One of the Frenchmen, who we will refer to as the Frenchman from now on took the whisky a little bit too seriously. He was being an incredible flirt. He made a point to sit down between two of the girls. He was being very touchy and feely, I might even go so far as to say he was being frisky -
I mean, fair enough, some girls like it, some social situations call for it but not this one. 'The peeps' he was flirting with don't go in for that sort of sleazy male behavior. He was told repeatedly 'non!'-
A lot of girls like to play 'hard to get' which makes it hard for the girls who just want to play 'real' - no games, tell you what they mean.
The moon crossed the sky, our cups emptied, our stomachs filled, the winds of fate took us to a beach where we added more people to 'the peeps'. Nobody wanted to go swimming. It just wasn't that type of crowd. Say what you want about us being prudes and puritans - nobody felt like taking off their clothes for any naked swimming. Or even swim in their underwear.
The problem is I don't wear underwear. For me its either go in nude or not at all. I don't like the idea of being the only nude guy in a crowd. It wasn't intimate enough to do so.
One of the keys to good socializing is to understand how people are feeling around you. It's no good to make someone feel uncomfortable just to prove a point. And maybe the girls in France are more open minded than us prudes from North America, or maybe, just like I said, nobody felt comfortable enough to share something as intimate as nudism.
But our Frenchman jumped in the water. Which was cool. He had the balls to do it. Not naked, I'm sorry the title misled you, but in his tighty whities (which weren't really white, they were zebra stripped, but it's a common term). He should have toweled off and put his pants back on when he got out.
He wanted this spontaneous four o'clock in the morning beach trip to become a sexy, steaming beach party possibly with hip-hop music and the sort of dancing where people grind their private parts into each other. It wasn't going to happen. But you have to give him credit for trying. He kept telling the girls to take their clothes off - which made them more uncomfortable. Nobody wants to have a conversation, when were all drunk, with an older Frenchman wearing only his underwear. If he was Tarzan, it would be okay. But trust me, he wasn't Tarzan.

2005-06-17T18:27:00.000+09:00

(Laura)

Biking with Girls

2005-06-16T18:18:00.000+09:00

wow! biking with girls! what a fun, fun thing! anytime I get to spend with girls is great- especially Laura. I'm in love with Laura. She's my cool biker chick. My punk rock princess. The girl i've been looking for all these years. Our brains are on the same page, she loves all the things i love (music, travel, art and culture) but most importantly, pertaining to this blog entry, she comes biking with me.
We bike everywhere - the two of us on our bikes, we're quite the cute couple - we've done a few short short trips. you know, downtown, to north harbor, to the bowling alley and to the beer halls. but nothing that took us hours and hours like this story.
and also i musn't forget about Hayley - she would be pissed off and kick my ass! i don't want that. i like Hayley a lot. of course not in the same way i like Laura. i like-like, Laura. i just like Hayley a lot. the difference, you see, is that like-like means romantic love.
the three of us set out, after eating a vegetarian meal (even the Koreans are starting to jump on the trendy bandwagon) across the bridge out of town.
strapped to the back of our bikes were two tents, food, sleeping bags and a few clothes. we looked like a caravan of cool hippie-gypsy-travelers.
we biked through the township of yeong-am. our lofty goal wasn't too lofty - we just wanted to get to Wulchusan, which is a national park forty five car ride minutes away - there is a temple, cool hiking and a spa. i've been there on my bike before so i figured it would be a good first trip for my girls. they were a bit worried if they could make it.
but they were so fucking awesome. they kept up with me! i wasn't on rocket fuel or anything but i kept a steady pace.
we went past rice fields, along country lanes, trees overhead, contemplating Buddhist things. once we biked along an abandoned highway (okay, okay, it wasn't completed but its so much cooler to say abandoned), that was just before we got lost.
even when we got lost it was still fun. i was all set to get lost, take the wind wherever it would take us. i was sitting down for a break, got out my tuna fish and crackers (ie. rocket fuel) - Hayley and Laura asked an old man along the road how to get to Wulchusan. instead of giving us directions in a way suitable to the stationary manor i was in, sitting down, relaxing he wanted us to follow him. i thought maybe he would take us all the way there. i had no choice but to make my lunch portable.
reluctantly i got up, had my tuna and crackers resting on the pack on the back of my bike while i pushed after our tour guide. eventually i said fuck it and told the girls i would catch up with them when i'm done eating.
when i caught up with them we knew where to go and Laura and Hayley had been lectured about the evils of not wearing a hat and the evils of women smoking. but for guys its okay. in Korea its only appropriate for women to smoke in bathrooms (because its a secret) - but my two chicks are hardcore and light up their 'fags' in front of the world (whose the fuck business is it anyway? second hand smoking - babies! your going to die of so many things, who has time to worry about second hand smoke? live hard! die hard! it comes down to how many crazy, cool and wonderful experiences you've packed into your life that matters anyway). besides, double standards suck.
finally up a tall, tall mountain we made it to the temple. there was a cool little town just bellow the temple. not really a town, just a bunch of restaurants and a tourist hotel that went 'splat' on the map.
because the bible recommends it we ate, drank and made merry (because it says 'tomorrow you'll die' so why not live a little?). we had a good old time, we were doing something that most people, even the crazies you find in Asia, wouldn't do. most people don't think 'hey, lets go biking far far away this weekend' - either people are lazy or they just don't think of it. to truly have fun sometimes you have to dig a little bit for ideas and think outside the proverbial boxes. its actually a very simple thing to do.
we threw our tents down in a place where we weren't supposed to throw down our tents.
a nice manicured lawn meant for 'all purposes' so we figured what we were doing fit under 'all purposes'. it didn't. we were rudely woken up at nine o'clock the next morning by the guy who cleans the public toilet. he made some gestures and some loud Korean words we took to mean 'you can't put your tents here' - i guess he didn't want us starting a trend. its a Buddhist temple, not Woodstock.
but we walked around the temple and dissolved our sins, walked through beautiful nature trails and hung out in a waterfall.
on the way back we saw a pottery museum (kind of boring) and got sun burnt. it was a really nice day, the sun shone high. Laura's bike had some problems, the breaks were sticking to her wheels. when i suggested taking off the break (because, like kidneys, you really only need one) she freaked but a little but i just wanted to make life easier for my punk rock princess.
but we made it home, all in one piece. we felt like champions! we are champions. biking three hours one way, three hours another way is pretty hardcore. it was just a warm up for a summer that's going to be filled with outdoor activities like camping, biking and bungee jumping!

2005-06-16T18:11:00.000+09:00

FOR THE BORN TRAVELER, TRAVELING IS A BESETTING VICE. LIKE OTHER VICES, IT IS IMPERIOUS, DEMANDING IT'S VICTIMS TIME, MONEY, ENERGY AND THE SACRIFICE OF COMFORT! -ALDOUS HUXLEY

Loosing my Religion

2005-05-26T18:38:00.000+09:00

STAR WARS EPISODE THREE: REVENGE OF THE SITH

A FILM ESSAY.

My buddy Ian once told me that kids like the new Star Wars prequels because it's what they are growing up with. It's the same for kiddy cartoons. I have affection for the Smurfs, Ninja Turtles and GI Joe but don't see the same brilliance in today's kids cartoons. The exception, of course is Spongebob Squarepants. The reason is I'm not a kid. Most cartoons are made for a childs mind and so it goes for Star Wars.
I was in my final year of high school when I was disappointed by Episode One and sometime in University when Episode Two came out. I was less disappointed by it. Episode One was a piece of garbage so my expectations were so much less - a middle jig saw piece with no clear edges.
I want to kill Jar Jar Binks, a horribly il-conceived insult of character development to even the dimmest of movie goers. I get he's the comic relief but C:3P0 and R2D2 did a better job in the 1977 trilogy. They were fish out of water. Logical machines trying to make sense of the human world that created them. R2D2 being the more Zen of the pair. He doesn't't question. Just acts.
Jar Jar Binks was stupid. It's also been argued he's just an offensive stereotype. Or maybe Jar Jar Binks came directly from a contemporary children's cartoon show. The prequels were made to be kids movies, not Star Wars movies - They already made an Ewoks movie and some cartoons about Ewoks and Droids but why mess with the Major Arcana?
George Lucas lost his touch. He turned to the dark side. In this case, the dark side is money. Lucas was made rich by his very original and inventive movies. The Original Star Wars wasn't rocket science, a classic story about good and evil. A postmodern soup of classic characters set in the future. You've got the princess, the knight in shining armor (or in Lukes case a jumper), and very evil villains. Sometimes simple is a very good thing.
The new Trilogy is meant to humanize Darth Vader - it's about his fall from grace. Why did he do it? Love. He wanted to keep his secret wife from dieing. It's a noble cause - it's a great back story. There were some scenes from Revenge of the Sith that brought tears of gladness to my eyes. The fight scene between Obi Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker is etched in my mind as the highlight of the prequel trilogy - its only saving grace. It's a cool story that Yoda fought Emperor Palpatine, but Yoda doesn't't sit well with me as an action hero. All sorts of Jedi are needed to keep the balance of the Jedi Council. Some for action and some for contemplative backwards talk. Even if you think Yoda should be a fighter and I can't disagree, he should do it in a style all his own. Maybe using mind tricks and the fact that he can lift things in the air just by waving his hands.
Lucas took his classic characters and messed with them. Star Wars fans are rabid. It's a problem, but if lucas didn't know this he's not the brilliant movie producer I thought he was. When you fall in love with a cultural property all the back stories and potential future stories are played over and over in your minds eye. This was Lucas' cross to bare when he embarked on his quest to make new films.
Star Wars fans have been imagining it for thirty years. Why did Lucas wait so long? This was his biggest fuck up. He waited thirty years. Lucas said he was waiting until special effects were good enough to live up to his vision.
These weren't the visuals Star Wars fans have been living with for thirty years. They were imagining the same style of movie - Lucas would have done much better keeping Star Wars low technology. Like the first one. Although light years ahead when it was made in 1977, now its quaint. But quaint is just what Star Wars needs. The first movies were well written with well developed characters. The special effects were just icing on the cake.
Lucas went overboard with special effects. He was masturbating his own special effects potential. Lucas is a genius producer and a genius at running his special effects shop, ILM. We've seen what special effects can do. I've already seen The Matrix Trilogy and the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. These movies stole the Star Wars thunder. And they came out faster. Lord of the Rings proved that computer generated effects can be used to make great movies. They shot three movies at once and released them one year apart. Lucas took three years to make each new installment of Star Wars.
We got fed up - I was expecting Revenge of the Sith to blow my mind. I was in the theater pouring soju into my coke so it got better as the movie went on. It was too political. Maybe Lucas is trying to take jabs and the current political situation in America. If he was, he shouldn't have. Star Wars is not a specific parody of anything. It's just supposed to be fun. The political scenes and the extended love scenes ruined Revenge of the Sith. There were some romantic moment in the original trilogy but they accented the action scenes very well. A rebellion is much more entertaining than a fall of a republic.
Lucas would have been better off just making one prequel movie. A movie that starts out with little Anakin, shows him growing up a bit but the bulk of the movie he's searching his feelings (and fighting a lot) caught between the three things he holds dear - the Jedi, The Republic and his secret wife Padme - they were all things fighting each other. Anyone would turn to whatever their dark side is if the three things they held dear were fighting each other.
It's a good back story for Darth Vader - it was just wasn't done very well. The problem with these trilogies was that they were too typical. Stylized like all the movies I've seen these days. I wasn't blown away. My expectations hoped for something breath-taking. This was why Star Wars in 1977 worked so well. It was like no movie ever done before.
Star Wars is my religion. When I try and explain my unique spirituality I don't turn to Buddhism or Hindu I usually refer to 'the force' - an interconnected 'thing' that binds us all - also these were just great stories I grew up with. I've read Star Wars novels and comic books and played the video games. These expanded the universe.
Lucas didn't expand his own universe very well. He forgot about the culture we grew up in. Maybe Lucas lives in a vacuum out on Skywalker Ranch and didn't realize how huge his original movies had become. He didn't strive to make his new movies special. And this is why he failed.
I don't know what the kids are thinking. The kids that were ten or so when they saw Episode One - maybe they'll think the new trilogy is the best. Maybe they will reject the original Star Wars Trilogy because its too old and not digital.
Lucas had a terrible cross to bear - maybe he made the right choice, finding a new audience - motivated by money - doing so he sold out the rest of us.
Thanks a lot George Lucas, never turn your back on rabid fans. That's not the true spirit of art. What the fuck is money going to mean when your dead. Your legacy is now torn if half!
Sorry, I just took these movies too seriously. And that's my cross to bare. I was expecting more. I don't care what the media hype is, I was expecting the hype built up in my own head since I first saw Star Wars as a little boy.
Nothing can live up to thirty years of a collected societies imagination.
Not even Lucas.

Happy 2568th!

2005-05-17T13:20:00.000+09:00

This is cliche but I'm going to say I should be doing something more productive right now but instead I'm writing my blog. It seems to me most blog entries start this way. Although I can't say I'm against it. I'm more interested in what goes on in someone's brain than by what they should be doing.

I have the 'mommy class' to prepare for, my art class to prepare for, my two o'clock class to prepare for and my one student class to prepare for. Its 1:15 now - and the clock on this computer is slllllllllooooooooooowwwwwwwwwww, so really, its more like 1:30. No matter. My two o'clock class is the kind of class where I can go in, talk with the kids, get them to open up their books and kind of wing it. The 'mommy class' - where I teach some Wonderland 'mommys' isn't until tomorrow morning so I can do the lesson plan I'm supposed to do later tonight. I'm only really worried about the art class. I want to go in prepared and have an example ready. But I do my best work while I'm rushed!

So let me tell you about Buddha's birthday. Last year I spent the holiday drunk I woke up in a strange hotel room not knowing what had happened to my friends Ben and Yunni. But last year Buddhas birthday fell on a weekday so we had some time off. This year, nope, it fell on a Sunday. In my country (Canada) we would have riots. Just give us the Monday off and we'll stop rioting. But in Korea, these people are well behaved and don't want to come off like hooligans - they accept the horrible fact that Buddhas birthday falls on a Sunday this year.

I could say that Buddhas birthday is like Christmas which is JC's birthday but this would give you false ideas. Christmas is much more commercialized and secular than Buddha's birthday. If your not Buddhist its only a day to sleep in and drink coffee/soju until the wee hours the night before- Which is like Christmas in Korea if your not Christian. That's kind of how I spent Christmas two Christmasses ago. In Korea the holidays aren't massive 'lets spend spend spend!' consumerist orgies. In Korea that sort of mentality is reserved only for Pepero day and everyday life.

About ten foreigners went to the temple near Haenam. If you scroll down my blog you'll find my previous adventure in Haenam where Laura and I looked for but couldn't find the temple. This time we had a car. Laura and I met Haley at E-Mart. She was with a new teacher to Mokpo named Ken. He is an older gentleman who had lived an worked in Thailand for the last seven years (he might just be my new hero), ex US military but a cool guy who thought we should legalize Marijuana even though he had never touched the stuff himself.

We met May Lynn at the Bus Station and took the bus to Haenam. Since I was a hungry, hungry like a hippo I suggested we go to Heim Pizza. Last time in Haenam Laura and I couldn't find the entrance to the second story Heim Pizza Franchise. It took the genius of Haley to say 'why didn't you morons go into the grocery store bellow Heim Pizza?' and sure enough there were stairs going up to the second floor.

We ate delicious Heim Pizza - Eileen (who has the car) met us and crammed us into the back seat of her car. Like a clown car we rolled down the lonely back roads of Korea. The Koreans had never seen so many foreigners crammed into such a clown car.

Temples in Korea are Temples in Korea - I've many, they resemble each other. I always like going but they rarely stand out from each other. Korean temple architecture is decorative and colorful and the atmosphere is relaxing and spiritual. The temples are kept in the mountains which provide the perfect backdrop.

The great part about this time was that there were so many of us (Me, Laura, Haley, Ken, May Lynne, Eileen, Big Mike, Big Mikes Mom visiting form America, Matt and Matt's Korean Girlfriend. I think her name is Min Soo) I had never been to a temple at sunset before. We didn't arrive until six o'clock at night - Since it was Buddhas birthday there were hundreds of lit lanterns strewn about the place in decorative order. I 'bought' one, which meant my name (and all of our names) were hung beneath one of the cooler colored lanterns.

As the night wore on, the sun went down, the temple was lit up and resembled a fairy tale (or at least a marshal arts movie). Laura and I escaped from the group for a bit. Not for the 'Sexcapade' May Lynne thought we were up to but we sat next to a babbling brook and contemplated many of the philosophical philosophies.

Later at night saw us back in Mokpo eating shabu shabu and drinking at the bar which Haley dubbed the 'odang bar'. Odang being the fish cakes on sticks and at this 'odang bar' they have the sticks sticking out of the vats of broth usually seen at the street vendors. Haley loves her odang but I was too full up on shabu shabu to enjoy it.

ANARCHY IN THE R.O.K

2005-05-17T13:17:00.000+09:00

if the people own the arts this anarchy will inspire us all to do the arts
-t.d hurst

mp3 killed cd’s star
we can no longer blame
the vcr – just the burner/
new technology to topple old ways/
the dinosaurs who own all the arts
will go

art is back in the hands of the people
sharing ideas because culture’s a stew/
listen-watch-read get inspired
make something new

someone takes it/ gets inspired/ makes something new
lets all jump in/ grab hold of a carrot
make something new to feed to each other/ we eat each others ideas
a cause an effect un-encumbered by ownership/ a sense of pride/
participation in society

new cultural renaissnace/ soaring of heights
unnencumbered by the petty concept of owning something

lets evolve past that!

2005 is Korea-Japan Friendship Year

2005-05-10T13:48:00.000+09:00

Japan is the coolest country in the world. Crazy gadgets are everywhere and the kids walk around like they're going to a rave in their latest cyber-psychadelic fasion. These clothes aren’t 'free and breazy' like their 60's counterparts- clothes today are darker and ready for battle. Our times are more cynical but the colours are still outrageous and as flamboyant as ever. These kids believe although life is meaningless and irelevant why should we wallow in nihalism? Why can’t we all just have a good time and come up with our own meaning? The Japanese walk around with personal identity sewn on their sleave (or pants, or skirts or in their hair).
I saw lots of tatoos, lots of hair colors, outrageous hairdoos and outrageous style. The Japaneese know how to be cool. Or maybe I'm just coming from Korea where fitting in is the main religion. I love Korea, don't interpret this as me not loving Korea, Korea is my home but Japan was wild and different and flashed wonderful sensation in front of my eyes.
My director said Japan is a 'funny country' - he lived there for a few years in his wild younger days. The Japanese don't use a spoon to eat their rice like the Koreans do. They bring the rice bowl close to their face and shovel it in with their chopsticks. 'This is rude' - my director said. We also had a discussion about how the Japanese want to take over Dokdo island "which is an inalienable part of the territory of the Republic of Korea (South), which has been inhabited by Koreans for centuries and guarded by the R.O.K Armed Forces and Coastal Police for decades." - despite all this, Japan’s great!
I was only jumping in and out for my annual visa run. The plane landed in Osaka at 12 and it left at seven 7 that night.
Flying into Osaka airport looks like your about to land in the water. The plane was empty so I was spread out and had an entire row (okay, two seats) to myself. Looking out the window as we were landing I couldn't see the airport. All I could see was water getting closer and closer. Finally an airport landing strip came out of the sea, grabed us and gently brought us safely to the airport.
There was some initial confusion.
Asiana Airlines understands the importance of the Visa run and gives special rates. There were many people on the flight doing the same thing I was. In the immigration que another foreigner told me the embassy moved last week. The information all of us had was wrong.
"No problem, thanks for telling me", I stuck with these guys. Scott and Ian - both good guys with interesting things to say. They were both intelligent and experienced travelers. Ian was the same as me. It was his second contract in Korea, he had a girlfriend waiting for him back in Korea and he had also travelled to Thailand. Scott was 41 and had lived an interesting life before he came to Korea. He had worked on infomercials, done financial trading and dedicated his life to having a good time. He came to Korea because he re-evaluated what he was chasing after. If money really is empty what else is there to chase after? Korea is a good place to figure things out.
There were five us us walking around trying to find the embassy. After asking around and going this way and that way we found it. It was in the same place I had remembered it. As soon as we entered the consolate the stress in the air hit us like an addictive rush of nicotine. You couldn't help being stressed out. There were people frantically writting, there were people complaining the embassy had just screwed them, their lives were over and a general attitude of not knowing what to do. The Japanese protestors didn't help, either.
I was hoping for something more exciting that would end up on international news but a convoy of cars with megaphones attached to the roof were chanting angry slogans at Korea. I don't speak Japanese but I can only assume they were saying something like "Korea Sucks! Dokdo is ours!"
The police around the embassy were quick to tell them to move along. Ian asked one of the ladies working at the embassy if they came everyday. Gravely, she nodded yes, they do.
But the stress was done! Scott, Ian and I left the embassy and strolled around the shopping arcades nearby. Japan is very clean, very green and their society seems to run smoothly and efficiently. We saw all the brand names we'd expect, some Korean brand names and some brand names we had never heard of. There is great shopping in Japan.
I had no mission this time around. Last time I did this I was looking for pornography and deodorant. Now that I know Korea doesn't have deodorant I brought enough of my own and I have a beautifull girlfriend so I don't need no stinkin' porn no more!
Ian had a mission to buy a certain brand of incense for his hippy minded friend. We entered an 'ethnic' store that sold things that vaguely look like they might come from India. Ian bought his incense. Scott and I bought expensive jewlery for our respective lady-friends in Korea.
I also won Laura a Spider-Man Mashimaro from the happy crane game. She has an infestation/collection of them in her room. She has fourteeen of these super hero Mashimaro dolls (which look like bunnies if you don't know who Mashimaro is). She wants more. I think her obsession is cool and I can help her amase an army of Mashimaro super heroes.
In Osaka we ate some good Japaneese food, walked around, took pictures and had intelligent conversations.
We went back to pick up our passports at four - I have a second Korea Visa stamp in my passport! Life is indeed about the number of stamps in your passport! The more you have the cooler you are (which makes me pretty damn cool!)
Since I hadn't slept in 24 hours (drinking, partying, late night Korean barbecue), I had to get on a 2:30 at night bus bound for Incheon Airport. It arrived at Incheon at 8:00 in the morning. I couldn't sleep on the bus or the plane. Travel is rocket fuel but it caught up with me. I zonked out on the plane ride back, although I woke up to eat the yummy yummy croisant sandwiches they brough as dinner.
Getting to Incheon is only part of my long journey home. There is an hour bus to down town Seoul and the four hour bus ride to Mokpo. I arrived home at three in the morning.
I joined my beautifull girlfriend in bed and shared her much needed slumber. We had beautifull dreams.

Heanam...Your a Rock Star!

2005-04-25T14:32:00.000+09:00

Laura and I head off to Heanam. A small town not too far from Mokpo. We were expecting to sit on the bus for hours and hours but forty five minutes later we were pulling into Haenam station. The bus ride felt like five minutes, because Laura and I have no problem talking to each other and keeping ourselves entertained (with Laura it's never a dull moment!)
In Haenam our first order of business was getting some food. We ate some pringles on the bus (and maybe if I say pringles enough the Proctor and Gamble Corporation will send us free samples of their most famous brand) but that doesn't count as a meal. Not even if your kissing the person your eating the pringles with.
We found ourselves at a Chinese restaurant not knowing what we ordered. You know your a hardcore traveler when you can point at something on a menu, cross your fingers and hope they don't throw an elephant penis onto your plate. I can't imagine elephant penis, even with soy sauce, would taste very good at all. Although it might be good for stamina.
But we were lucky. We recognized the rice dishes they brought us. We did the romantic thing and ate off each others plates (because I'm not so much into the glass noodles they seem to love in this country which came as my order.)
Our time in Haenam was exactly what we would do in Mokpo except we were in Heanam. There aren't any foreigners (except we saw one guy speeding past on a bike half his size - we think he stole it!) The locals gawked at us, we were holding hands, acting too cute and scandalizing the agimas. I hope so! I've made it my mission to help Korea with its sexual repression problem. Laura kept telling me to stop, "NO TODD NO" but she really likes it. I'm such a bad boy. Chicks love bad boys!
We checked into a love motel, sang at a nori bang, and drank mackju's at a mackju hall called 'Monk' - possibly named for the great Theolonious. We walked around a lot looking for the gimbap places which were suprisingly few and far between. It seemed as if we stepped into a strange dimension of Korea where they didn't have gimbap places on every corner like Toronto has donut shops.
And there weren't any PC bang, either. Well, there were. We just couldn't get into them. They were all up on second and third floors but no way to access them from the ground. In Heanam they must get around in gyro-copters, or they access the PC bangs through secret underground tunnels that might secretly come from socialist northern countries.
All we wanted to do was research the 'Tripitaka Koreana' - a highly regarded Buddhist text book written on something like a billion-trillion little wooden blocks. According to the disinformation we got the temple where this Buddhist text is kept was near by. It wasn't.
We thought we were going to see a temple somewhere in the vicinity of Heanam-Gun and we were told at the top of 'Heanam Sunshine Cable Car' we could see Monks pray and chant but, again, more disinformation.
Getting on the cable car was insane because Koreans have no sense of personal space and no sense of strangers. The Koreans crowded towards the stairs like un-disciplined kindergarteners and we were stuck in the thick of it. Drunk ladies behind us were trying to rip the patches off my bag and the drunk ladies were trying to feel up Laura's ass (hey! That's my job!)
I decided to get us some beers which would make the insanity of this me-first crowd seem funny. We drank our Hite's and got to the top of the mountain.
There wasn't a temple, just an observation tower. It was a pretty cool place to get to. An unexpected discovery, a serendipity, a happy accident, what travel's about to me. The views were spectacular. Korea is a rugged country that begs "PLEASE APPRECIATE ME!" and we do. The Korean tourist board is an ineffectual organization because no one knows that Korea is a nice place to come to. Or they just hate us dirty waygooken who come and pollute their land with McDonald's and ideas like sex and drugs are okay.
Laura said that it was like we were Mini and Mickey mouse up there. We posed for pictures with cute little Korean girls and a Korean photographer, charging the hangooken 4,000 won, took our picture for free.
And in the end, we got back to Mokpo, happy and content and exhausted!

How I ended up with a blog.

2005-04-22T16:45:00.000+09:00

I was lounging in a red room, a bar down the street known to the foreign community in our South Korean fishing community, Mokpo, as 'the fusion bar'. The actual Korean is different but the English underneath says 'a fusion bar'. Its red. Kind of like a whore house in space - or a really trendy night club in New York. It would fit easily into Sex and the City. It's trendy, and loungy and comfortable.

I met up with my girlfriend, Laura, who is the coolest chick in the world, Haley who is probably the second coolest chick in the world and Laura's room mate May-Lynne. May Lynne is a cool chick, also. I seem to only hang out with cool chicks. May-Lynne has been on an activist kick and is organizing Korean orphans to go to an amusement park to forget all their troubles.

Our conversation was trendy enough to cause Andy Warhol to have a wet dream in his great sleep. We were debating post-modern art, Dadaism, philosophy and how we want to string our bosses up by their testicles and giggle as they suffer! Hayley mentioned her website. A blogger thing for blogger thoughts. I ended up checking it out and here I am starting my own blogger sight.

The night went on as nights do. Drinky, drinky. Laura and I had to carry May Lynne home. But not in a literal sense of 'having to carry her home'. May Lynne got angry with me this morning when I used those words. It was more to the effect of having to prop her up as we all stumbled down the street breathing out tequila.

The epicenter of Mokpo for foreigners is WaBar. Love or hate the place (and most of us do love and hate the place from time to time) you can't avoid it. It's a cliche. If you imagine what a Korean thinks a bar in Texas would look like this is the WaBar. It's also a chain in Korea. They're everywhere. It's not even original to Mokpo.

Laura and I were all googly eyed at each other at the WaBar sitting on bar stools drinking 'Mack Ju', unable to focus on anyone else but ourselves. We were sharing our MP3 players and saying 'listen to this song', 'this song is the best - it's written about me' and 'we're going to see these guys in Tokyo!'

Maybe to an outsider such a mushy scene is 'disgusting' but give us a break. We're happy! We were called 'geeks' because our romance involves MP3 players. To these horrible people I just have to say grow up and jump on the bus going to the new millennium (which we're already five years into people).